I have often struggled with feelings of unworthiness in my relationship with God. It’s not that I meant to struggle, but I have felt more than a little unworthy before him. I mean, after all, how can I not feel unworthy in my relationship as I compare my sinfulness with the glory and majesty of the God of the universe.
Because of these feelings of unworthiness, I can often find myself nervous to approach God. I’m waiting to hear the bad news. I’ve been afraid the other shoe is going to drop. I’ve been afraid to trust God’s goodness. I’ve been afraid that, even though the Bible plainly tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1), that I’m still not good enough and will be condemned.
I forget about God’s faithfulness. I forget about his grace toward me. I forget about his goodness that I cling to every day of my life.
I find myself turning to him in his goodness, knowing that, despite my doubts, he never turns me away. I’ve been reading a very helpful book lately, J.D. Greear’s Stop Asking Jesus into Your Heart. I didn’t need it to assure my salvation at this point in my life, but it has helped me answer some questions that I’ve been having internally about the sinner’s prayer and some things like that. I’m hoping to interact some with some the ideas that Greear shares on the blog over the next couple of weeks, but today, I mostly want to share a little quote that is meaningful to me.
Knowing He cherishes us makes us want to draw close; fear makes us withdraw. even if we are obeying His commandments.
Over the past couple of years, a big part of my spiritual growth has been learning that he cherishes me, in spite of all that I have done in rebellion to him and his rules. It makes me want to draw close.
As I also grow in my parenting, I have also learned this lesson from the opposite perspective. I love my children deeply, and with all that is within me, I want them to grow and to draw close to me as they do. I want them to flourish, and I want us to be close. However, when my children fear my harshness, they withdraw and don’t want to be near me, even if they are following all my rules. I pray I can show them the gentleness and love that God shows me.