I’m back with the second post in my series on blogging through Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes… in You and Your Kids. Today I’m brainstorming some of my answers to another question in the first chapter of the book. The quote by Turansky and Miller that I want to highlight is this:
For every form of selfishness in a family, there’s an honor-based solution.
So, my task is this. I’m going to take three situations and brainstorm what an “honor-based solution” might look like. Then, I’ll find out as I go through the book whether or not I’m right! By the way, while my solutions might sound good, make sure you go check out the book for advice for your own family because they’re the experts, and I’m just reading the book 🙂
Complaining is a serious problem in our house. Children complain about my cooking, their schoolwork, the heat outside, the cold inside, the funny taste when I buy a different brand of milk, a sibling touching them and so much more. The next thing I know, I’m complaining about the fact that they’re complaining!
Does that sound familiar? I hope it’s not just my house.
I imagine that a more honor-based solution would begin by refraining from complaining. I might consider the feelings of those who don’t like chicken or who have little legs who get tired quickly. The children would consider the hard work involved in making a meal of the necessity of learning certain skills or the fact that the store was out of their favorite kind of milk.
2. Children Arguing
The children disagree with each other. That’s just a fact of life. Four different personalities are all very precious, but they all also bring a very different perspective to life and what is important. I spent a big part of my day telling children to be kind to each other.
In my head, the honor-based solution would be that the children would consider the other side of the situation. They would be able to see what their sibling was feeling and wonder if they’re being loving or kind without me ever asking them. They would be able to work out a fair way to take turns, share or divide the last of dessert.
3. Parents Yelling At Children
Parents get to the end of their rope. There are so many little voices, arguing, trying to prove their sides and not listening to their parents at all when their parents try to talk. They’re certainly not remembering to obey their parents either.
Many times I feel like my children hear my voice, but they aren’t actually listening to a word I say. In my frustration and anger about not being heard or respected, I find myself raising my voice, and sometimes when that happens the children start to cry. They don’t understand why I’m suddenly so “angry.”
In my honor-based solutions, I would imagine myself being more loving and kind and less impatient and concerned with me. I would find myself respecting that my children might have been busy or gotten carried away in the heat of the moment. I would also teach them to seriously obey me before I reach a point of anger. And that’s just a beginning.
So, here are three scenarios that happen more often that I would like to admit in my house. They need some honor-based solutions, but I haven’t gotten to the solution yet. This is the vision I have for my house though, and with the vision, while I can’t have a perfect household, I can bring a little more honor into our house.
If this blog post has you interested, don’t forget to buy a copy of the book and join me next time for when I start considering some of the ideas in chapter 2. So, what are some of the common selfish problems in your home, and can you think of some honor-based solutions for them? Just leave me a note in the comments!
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