I’ve been watching an old favorite movie recently, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and this time I was struck by the moment when Joel decided to quit fighting having his memories erased and enjoy the time he had left with his memories of Clementine. (If you haven’t watched it, it’s worth a view, and it’s on Netflix!)
Watching these sequences might even have made me break down into an ugly cry. I just realized that each moment of every day that I spend with those that I love is closer to the last moments I will spend with them.
I began to think about how living in that reality could change my life. I needed to remember that we are not guaranteed any time but the present here on earth, and how I should make that present count for something. It needed to count for something more than just time for me to spend feeling annoyed or stressed out.
I don’t mean to say that I’m annoyed or stressed out all the time. I just mean to say that sometimes the joy runs out. Sometimes, since the children are with me all the time, they can really see when the joy is running low.
I have found that one of the best ways to deal with my own lack of joy is to focus on the things that I am thankful for. When I step outside of my selfishness and into the things that I love about my life, I find that my strength is renewed and that my ability to enjoy my life and those that I love is restored.
This year, I want to focus on finding that joy by enjoying the time that I have with those I love. I want to make this the year that I enjoy them without comparing them to other people or to each other.
I don’t want my pride and my need for validation to get in the way of being able to enjoy those that I love.
Instead, I want to savor all the moments that I have with them. I even want to be thankful for the things that are difficult, like when my two year old starts screaming like a banshee for reasons that she can’t (or won’t) tell me. Those are difficult and frustrating moments, and often they’re ones that leave me with wonderful memories.
Instead of hoping for fewer moments that interrupt my needs and my “things that I want to do,” I want to enter into each person’s world and savor seeing them as they are. I want to find joy in them and in our lives together.
I want to live a life that’s regret-free, and when it is over, or when someone I love is no longer in my life, I don’t want to be able to say that I haven’t enjoyed them and that I haven’t spent the time with them that I wanted to spend.
I want to remember that people are more important that goals and things.
I want to savor them. I want to hear their voices in my memories. I want to smell their scent when I think about them. I want to give myself and wholeheartedly experience my life and the people in it.
That’s my goal for 2014. What’s yours?
If you’re looking to hear some other goals from some talented ladies, if you click on the picture below, it will take you the Schoolhouse Review Crew “One word” link-up. There you can see some of the other ladies’ goals, and if you haven’t thought about your goal this year or you’re still looking for something to focus on, you can find some great guidance there.